As part of Mental Health Awareness Week (8th — 14th May) we spoke to our volunteer John Duncan about surviving and thriving with mental health issues.
What impact has mental health had on your life?
It has changed nearly ever aspect of my life from relationships to work. I have to be aware that living with Bipolar is something that impacts on everyone around me as well as being something I have to live with. Being a teacher depression can cripple me and leave me exhausted, having to prioritise work to ensure the pupils are always put first. Mania can also be a problem as working with young people you have to hope your filters are on and you don’t go off on too many tangents.
In my family life there is an impact upon my wife and our three kids. She has to cope with me too and sometimes if I am really struggling I am very non-responsive and that makes her feel like she’s living with a stranger. I struggle to interact with the kids and it leaves me feeling like a failure that i can’t do everything “normal” people do.
What has it stopped you from doing?
In work I feel that I can’t really consider promotion or push myself too far because I’m worried about the illness limiting me. You feel that it becomes one of the main considerations. I have also stopped drinking as the medications I am on don’t mix well and I miss the social aspect of that — being the sober one and designated driver makes you a bit resentful sometimes.
Have the attitudes of others towards your mental health had an impact?
I think initially it did more than now. Now I am talking openly about it and deliberately engaging people in conversations it normalises it. If you are wary of it others will be too. Not everyone understands the illness and think there are shortcuts to “getting better” — coming off the meds, exercising it away, sorting myself out. It’s ignorance — the common enemy of empathy and understanding that causes most issues.
How has discrimination around mental health stopped you from thriving in your life?
I’ve come up against those in the workplace who think I’m untrustworthy around young people as I couldn’t guarantee my behaviour — a complete misunderstanding and blatant ignorance. I was fired because of this only to get my job back after fighting for it. This — along with another experience when I suffered a manic phase and staff didn’t want to talk about my mental health, instead wanted somewhere to point fingers and ignore the real issue at hand — has made me much less confident in myself and my abilities.
What ways have others helped you and supported your mental health, helping you to thrive in your life?
Without my wife, children, Parents, In-laws and friends I would be lost. I am so lucky to have a wife who takes the time to engage and understand the situation — many would not have had the strength of character or patience to live with such a volatile character. My current employers are hugely supportive and offer help and support whenever I need it.
How have you thrived in life and showed that mental health isn’t something that should define anyone?
I get up each morning. Sounds like a simple thing but for me this can be a huge achievement. I am back in the classroom after a couple of years away and enjoying the job more than ever. I am playing in a band again after taking a break and this gives me a great release to unwind and have fun. I speak to my pupils about mental health issues and during Comic Relief week I spoke to the whole school about my experience and I know from feedback that it had a positive impact. For me owning the illness — not being defined by it but by owning it and speaking openly about it I feel there is control in a situation where you feel out of control a lot of the time.
What is your main message to people this mental health awareness week?
Speak. Talk. Chat. Doesn’t matter who to, but find someone who will sit and listen to you. One in four people in the UK will experience mental health issues in their lives and this might be based on grief or a chemical imbalance, PTSD or an eating disorder, speak to a doctor — they’ve heard it before. You are not the only one who has felt this way. Speak to your friends over a pint, your workmate over a coffee or a stranger in a therapy session — but talk about it because then it’s out in the open and not something only you have to live with.
Some of the time speaking about it could be enough. For some they should look into the issues further and a website like SAMH and SEE ME are a great place to start looking for kindred spirits and answers. Then there are those like me who need to consider medical support. There isn’t a one size fits all — mental health is as varied as those people who live with it.
